Your success with people simply comes down to the energy you give off

"People will forget what you said. People will forget what you did. But people will never forget how you made them feel." - Maya Angelou

For decades, body language experts have been reading nonverbal signals to deduce people's true feelings (aka their true energy). This is because we tend to pay significantly more attention as to what we are saying verbally than nonverbally.

Former FBI agent, and now author, Joe Navarro perfectly executed the above alongside his colleague when they were able to find a—then on the run—fugitive hiding in a closet at his mother's home. Their discovery of the wanted man came after Navarro noticed the fugitive's mother's incessant touching of her neck when questions specifically about her son's current whereabouts came up. This nonverbal cue signalled that she knew more than she was giving away to the agents verbally.

Since we pay more conscious attention as to what we are saying verbally rather than what our bodies are saying nonverbally, this means that how we're really feeling is honestly communicated through our body language. And since over 90% of communication is often said to be nonverbal, this means that people can sense how you're feeling without you even saying anything.

For example, we cannot communicate verbally with animals, yet for the most part we can sense which ones are friendly or pose a threat just from how they carry themselves. And if you observe closely, the same applies to humans.

Our energy—good and bad—is always being projected towards others and the energy we give off is always present on our faces. And as Tony Montana once famously said, "The eyes chico, they never lie".

This means that a large part of how attractive we are to people comes down to the energy we give off. It's really that simple. Feel comfortable, secure, relaxed, confident, and strong in your own skin then give off that energy to attract more people.

For the most part, people adopt the energy of those around them. This is why you feel secure and comfortable with people that feel that way themselves. Given this, it's no surprise as to why people prefer to be around those who give off the kind of energy they wish to acquire themselves.

I saw this first-hand when one morning, I made it a point to go into work in a genuinely good mood that day. Sure enough, my energy was radiating off me and onto others as people were going out of their way to smile at me, say hello, and even initiate conversations (things that I usually had to take the initiative on). I even had people that I had never spoken to before go out of their way to come talk to me. I felt like I had just discovered a superpower.

Despite how obvious this may sound, psychologists all over the world have conducted various research studies (most notably Sigal Barsade's 'The Ripple Effect') which all point toward the same conclusion: Energy is contagious and people want to be around those who exude the kind of energy they want to hone themselves.

Now all of this is not to say that simply hanging around secure, confident, calm, and overall positive people will automatically make you feel or even be these things. But the point is that whatever you're feeling when around these high energy individuals, you want to adopt that energy for yourself. Deep down everyone just wants to let their truest, most unapologetic selves out and not feel ashamed about it in the process.

Conversely, what's described above is also true for the opposite side of the spectrum in that if you're feeling awkward, insecure, and anxious, people are going to sense that and in turn, feel awkward, insecure, and anxious about the interaction themselves. Now you have two people looking for an exit.

So, how do you give off good energy? The solution I've found works best is to focus your time, attention, and energy on becoming someone that YOU like. Someone that you can look into the mirror at each night before bed and be happy with.

The most effective way I've found to achieve this is through daily self reflection sessions with the goal of getting to know and accept yourself for exactly who you are at that moment; strengths, weaknesses, flaws, insecurities, areas for improvement, what kind of person you want to be, what you want out of life, interests, hobbies...everything. You have to know yourself better than anyone.

During my time of self reflection, I found that being more comfortable with accepting myself for exactly who I am (even if I wasn't someone I particularly liked at the time) not only made me more comfortable in my own skin, but it has also allowed me to be better at accepting others for who they are. Two really good types of energy to cast out to the world to win the vote of others.

Becoming someone that you like means that your good energy and validation will always come from within which is much more reliable and within your control as opposed to letting external factors (such as what other people think about you) dictate your energy which is unpredictable and out of your control.

Paradoxically, focusing on yourself is actually what tends to attract people to you. This is because in learning to get your validation from within by becoming someone you like, you are able to give off energy that says 'If you like me that's cool, and if you don't that's also cool because I know I'm going to be fine either way'.